Finding strength

After posting my last post, I realized that in cases like these others often feel just as helpless as the person going through it. I am thankful for all the people who genuinely care about me and have expressed their concern. Recently, though, I have been feeling very alone. Isolated, if you will. Some of it is my own doing, some of it not. I thought I had come to terms with what has happened and continues to happen in my life. The reality hit me this weekend. I am utterly alone. I feel helpless, and on the brink of giving up. But, I must carry on, and be strong, for my kids. They are wonderful blessings. I believe they could sense how sad I've been feeling and are giving me extra hugs and kisses. In my mind it still doesn't feel real. I keep thinking I'll wake up and everything will be different. This is not a dream, and ignoring it (still) won't change anything. A year ago I promised myself I wouldn't be here in this place (physical, emotional, etc) and here I remain. I don't know what is holding me back from stopping this misery. I guess, for me, when I feel alone I feel like there is no reason to care about myself because no one else seems to. I know that's not true, but sometimes it feels like it is. Especially at night, when I am all alone and the kids are ganging up on me, refusing to give me an ounce of solace. I don't have a minute to think some nights. Such is the life of a single mother, I better figure out how to change these bad sleep habits.