Taking a stand

As you may already know, I'm a pretty passive person by nature. But it has come to my attention that that must now change. My whole life I have been a "peace maker." Which I initially thought to be a good thing, a compliment. Well, as I got older I realized that it meant I was a "pushover" someone people could easily take advantage of. I don't want to be mean, I've never wanted to be mean. So now I must learn how to stand my ground and not hurt others. 

What is the secret? I'm still trying to figure that out. As I loosen my training wheels, I find myself saying things I regret later, but still feel somewhat relieved. For instance, It drives me nuts when someone leaves water on the counter and I lean into it. There are things that bother me that I obsess about.  But I try to "brush it off" and ignore it. But eventually, it starts to fester. This is the mistake I've always made. Instead of actually dealing with my problems I try to ignore them, they fester, and then they cause me to explode in an emotional rage.

It's amazing what little things can cause an explosion. And I've decided it's ok to have mini explosions from time to time, much better than to have one huge explosion every couple of weeks. Just as long as you apologize to any innocent bystanders who may have been effected. Now for some people that seems like a bold statement, but really and truly does anyone keep their cool all the time? The trick, I'm learning, is that you control the explosions. YOU control THEM. They don't control you. "Oh it's just my/your hormones..." That is only part of the problem.

It is ok to have anger, it's how you deal with it that makes all the difference in the world. Explain it to yourself, or whoever happened to be there when you went off. "I'm not angry at you, I'm angry because I stayed up too late and didn't sleep as long as I would have liked." Then resolve to change whatever triggered the anger in the first place: solution, go to bed earlier. Still working on that one, lol.

One of my dear friends is going through a similar situation I am in, and she is always posting positive things on her social network page. Things like "Never settle for less than you deserve" and "I'm enough" and "Be who you are." These are the things that get us through the day.

I believe they have a name for these sayings: positive reinforcement. It seems tacky, and silly, and even ridiculous at times, but eventually you may actually start believing "I am enough. I do deserve more. And I am a great person." It is ok to have "meh" days when you don't believe it, just remember to pick yourself back up, don't let the negative reinforcements win.

I was once told to think of negative thoughts the same way some think of evil spirits. You must banish them from your mind. And you have to be forceful and strong. And you HAVE to believe it will work.