Recently a good friend of mine has been trying to comfort me by saying, "you are probably just experiencing the '7 year itch' that all couples go through." Well, people have been telling me that for 2 years (saying it was the 5 year or 6 year).
Let me first explain to you what I believe to be the "definition" of "7 year itch." This happens when the members of a couple grow and change. When they no longer need the same things they needed before. And as a result, things can get a little dull. Your husband/wife assumes you want a certain thing, so they continue to do it. This is why communication is crucial in a relationship.
For me personally, I think we are way past that stage. For one big reason, I don't know that I've ever really gotten what I expected from this relationship, nor have I given all that was expected. Therefore, I would advise anyone planning on getting married soon, or recently married, to make a list of things you expect out of the relationship(what you expect from him, and expect to do in return) and compare. And for "kicks and giggles" why not do this annually, or more frequently. Always, always, always keep the lines of communication open. I've learned that once that communication is gone, it's hard to recover. Of course, it was probably never really there to begin with in my case.
I may be out of line, but I believe (in the last year at least) I have given it my best shot. I've tried to do things that I thought were expected: dinner every night, clean house, and the usual "wifely duties". Nothing seemed to change except for my feelings of resentment and expectations of "do more." Now, I don't mean to point the finger, I am sure I could have tried harder, but when I suggested ways for my partner to remedy these feelings (counseling, more housework, less outings with friends, etc)they were often discounted or halfheartedly put into action for a very short period of time.
I know, I know, I tend to exaggerate, and over analyze, and even judge, but from my point of view things seem very one sided. I feel like I have always done a lot of the work, and often under appreciated. And yes, "nothing is ever good enough" for me as well. So I decided to quit trying and let things fall apart naturally, since that was the direction things seemed to be going anyway.
So why am I writing this? Because now that I have made the decision to call it quits, to end this thing, I'd appreciate it if people would stop trying to talk me out of it. Yes, I know, some people get back together, some people regret getting a divorce. I don't think I would. But maybe I'm just too resentful to see the truth. You tell me. Because apparently I'm not good at discernment, at least that's how a lot of people make me feel. I know, "if you don't want my advice, don't complain to me." Unfortunately, I've learned that holding it all in isn't the most ingenious solution either.
So here I am. Writing a public journal. Because honestly, a private journal is just ranting to yourself and isn't always conducive either. People rarely comment, but I am ok with that. I don't often comment on others' blogs myself.
Thank you for putting up with my rants.
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