Thinking outloud

Lately I've been thinking about the direction my life is taking. For years I spent all my time with the goal of "escaping" as my main focus. Now that I've had my freedom for a year I don't know what to do next. I am trying to work through school, but I am not very enthusiastic about it.

I've dabbled a little in the dating world, but it has become painfully obvious that most of the guys out there that I like think of me as a friend. And admittedly don't want a "ready-made" family. What irks me is that there are so many "available" guys out there with this mindset, then they complain that they're single. I hate feeling like I am somehow inferior just because I have got divorced and have kids. They say there is nothing "wrong" with me, but clearly there is. Not looking for anything serious, but they aren't even willing to go on a date with someone who has kids. What's worse is that I am not the only one in this predicament. I know a lot of single moms, A LOT. It all comes down to men, they don't want to commit. Plain and simple. I envy the select few who found a devoted husband and father. Don't rub it in, please.

On another note, I've been thinking about patience. It goes along with dating and school. There is a fine line between having patience and procrastinating. Perhaps the only way to know the difference is whether or not you can control it. If you can't, you wait it out, hoping it resolves. If you can control it, and you don't take action, that is procrastination. I am good at procrastinating, and learning patience (still). Today was a procrastination day. I proclaimed it to be an "I give up" day.

What I mean by "I give up" simply means I don't care if the guys I like see me as a friend, I will just have to deal with it. I don't care if my homework remains undone, I'll just lose points. I don't care if I sewed those stupid puppet arms on upside down, they'll just have to do, I'm not remaking them. Unfortunately, I had to go to work. So I couldn't completely stop caring. Now I'm cuddling with my little man because it's easier to let him lay by me than to drag him back to bed 50 times.

Anyway, that's my rant. And now I will entertain you by adding a song that really spoke to me today.