Monday, March 5, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Reading my journal is therapeutic.
From August 7th 2000, I was in the 9th grade, 14 years old.
11:29pm
You know those days when you're so depressed that you don't want to get out of bed? Well, for the past year that's how I've felt almost every morning, mom too. Because I know that if I get up I won't feel well, but also that if I don't get up I'll feel worse. It's a lose-lose situation. I feel that within 2000 miles around there is not one single guy whom (of which I am not related to) that even likes me. It's because I know I'm not very nice when I flirt with them. They all think that I'm an evil snob. Of course, though, all my female friends don't believe me. It's not just the guys I'm worried about, I always feel alone and out of place. Also, I'm always in some way not feeling well so I have a negative attitude without meaning it. HELP!
11:38pm
The hard part is knowing that after 12 years I still feel the same way. I wonder what triggered this negative chain of events. I have my suspicions, but no one can be certain. I think I need to forgive myself for what happened at the beginning of that year, especially since many would consider it quite innocent. I had a secret boyfriend, I held his hands and we hugged in the dark. I would go out to visit him and tell my parents I was going for a walk. They know the truth, and wouldn't have cared so much if I had told them what was going on. But I got scared, broke up with him and ignored him for a year or two. I'm sure he's forgiven me, so why can't I forgive myself?
Most of my other entries are quite fun, as I have a tendency to use !!! a lot. :)
11:29pm
You know those days when you're so depressed that you don't want to get out of bed? Well, for the past year that's how I've felt almost every morning, mom too. Because I know that if I get up I won't feel well, but also that if I don't get up I'll feel worse. It's a lose-lose situation. I feel that within 2000 miles around there is not one single guy whom (of which I am not related to) that even likes me. It's because I know I'm not very nice when I flirt with them. They all think that I'm an evil snob. Of course, though, all my female friends don't believe me. It's not just the guys I'm worried about, I always feel alone and out of place. Also, I'm always in some way not feeling well so I have a negative attitude without meaning it. HELP!
11:38pm
The hard part is knowing that after 12 years I still feel the same way. I wonder what triggered this negative chain of events. I have my suspicions, but no one can be certain. I think I need to forgive myself for what happened at the beginning of that year, especially since many would consider it quite innocent. I had a secret boyfriend, I held his hands and we hugged in the dark. I would go out to visit him and tell my parents I was going for a walk. They know the truth, and wouldn't have cared so much if I had told them what was going on. But I got scared, broke up with him and ignored him for a year or two. I'm sure he's forgiven me, so why can't I forgive myself?
Most of my other entries are quite fun, as I have a tendency to use !!! a lot. :)
Sunday, February 19, 2012
It's been one of those weeks
UPDATE: Today at church the lesson in Sunday school was exactly what I needed to hear. If you haven't read it, read 2Nephi 4:15-35 that is exactly how I feel! Go Nephi!
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