This is another rant, sorry.
**UPDATES: Erik got us all a membership to the Y, except now that I'm pregnant I don't want to go...arg. He doesn't spend so much time away any more and spends most of his leisure time working on getting a new job. He recently quit playing Maffia because he realized he was wasting a lot of time on it.**
So recently Erik got a trial membership to a gym because he wants to lose weight. Needless to say, he spends more time outside than he spends at home. I don't know how to tell him I don't like him being gone so much (other than what I've already said). When I try to tell him how I feel he says, "would you rather I don't get in shape?" I guess I can't complain too much, because he is here sometimes.
It's just so frustrating because I NEED A BREAK! And there's no one to rescue me. As much as I love Grace, I feel trapped. It's partly my own fault for not making many friends here, but he needs to be more compassionate.
I told him I don't mind that he wants to go out every night, but I wish he wouldn't go alone. Meaning, he needs to find something for the whole family to do besides grocery shopping and church.
I understand that he has to go out wednesdays for scouts, and I understand that he enjoys going bowling tuesdays, but come on! does he have to go out mondays, thursdays and fridays too?
On top of that, he wants to have another baby. My response, "start helping out more with this one."
His response, "I changed her diaper and fed her today." That's great but it shouldn't mean he's off the hook.
Sure, we've gone to scouts and bowling, but it's not worth keeping Grace up when he still can't even talk to us.
Don't even get me started on what he does when he is home! Ever hear of technology obsession? If it's not the computer than it's the Xbox. I HATE IT!
Why do his friends/mother come before his wife/child? WHY? I am so tempted to block that stupid Maffia game, because he is so obsessed he plays it at work and keeps me up until 1 am every night.
And if I try to tell him how I am feeling, "you worry too much" "you're exaggerating" "you're acting like your mom" and my personal favorite, "you should learn how to control your hormones/emotions so they don't control you."
MEN!!
**there's more, but I'll spare you the details**
8 comments:
Nights alone are super hard. Greg is gone a lot during bedtime and it makes me tired and grouchy. I am trying so hard to be more understanding, but sometimes I feel so trapped. We have been working on scheduling me some time off where he watches the kids and I get to leave to work out, volunteer at the school, or take a class. Anything I want. Maybe that would help you too!
sorry to post twice, but I was going to tell you that it doesn't help when your life is in a transition state either! That always triples my need for husband time. Did you know where you are going next or if? You may have posted it somewhere but I can't remember.
i totally know how you feel. sometimes it feels like all my husband cares about are the books he's reading or the computer games he's obsessed with.
I did think of something that might help you... have you heard of love languages? It seems from your post that your love language is "acts of service". I don't know what Erik's is, but you might want to check out this book: "5 love languages" by Gary Chapman. It might help... sorry that is really the only advice I can give since sometimes I struggle with the same thing and dont know what to do about it.
thanks :) so far Erik has a trial period for the job in Rhode Island which means we don't have to move (if they hire him). Erik's suggested I find something to do, but I don't know where anything is and I don't want to commit to something and then have to move before I finish. We're in Long Island visiting his mom, and so far he's been great. We talked for most of the trip (5 hours) and he's been really compassionate today because I was sick to my stomach from the car ride. I think getting it all out really helped me feel better.
Sounds like you guys need a date night...like at LEAST once a month if not more. Just find a friend from the church that can babysit gracie and have fun. I TOTALLY know what you are saying. Even though we dont have kids yet I SOOOOOO get you! Bryant does that ALL the time but he does...I just wanna sleep or watch spanish shows. Also, when I am REALLY stressing out and need him, he is up stairs talking with his brother for HOURS!! Luckily for me though I have perfected the puppy face and have been able to see him more! =) So even though its a little different, guys are just about the same. They are a "tad" insensitive to a womans needs and feelings. Deanna, if I were you...I would steal the keys when he is in the shower,leave a note saying when gracie needs to be fed and naps, take the car and drive somewhere!!! Go get ice cream or a manicure or see a movie. You have to have me time too. Guys just dont get that!!! gosh! no wonder there are lesbians and women are less likely to remarry after a divorce! lol
Does your ward to a playgroup? I have found a friend that I go walking with every morning. We push our kids in stroller and it's a nice "out" for me. What about getting a sitter for Grace and going on a date with Erik? I think husbands have a hard time relating to how we feel because they aren't the ones staying at home all day & when they do come home they are free to do whatever they want while we are still "the mom". Blake always wants me to stay up late with him & watch movies, but I always tell him I can't because Brooke doesn't sleep in!
It's really frustrating sometimes. I would also look into what programs your library has. Our library has a "tot and mom" story time each week. Even just an hour or so out of the house each day does wonders for me!
Block the Mafia game, hide the power supply to the XBox, and suggest healthy eating to lose weight. If he still wants to work out, he can do that all night instead of playing the Mafia game -- that way, he won't keep you up! :D
(Yes, I'm serious.)
It sounds like you do need a break. Brad and I have a system set up where he takes Katelyn for an hour or less every night or every other night and lets me play. Sometimes all the playing I get in is changing the laundry, doing dishes or other housework I need to catch up on, but sometimes I get to just play on my computer. I really need time to play. However, with Brad back into school full time now and not to mention all the homework he does now - he suggested that I take a day and just play - no housework or anything like that. I get to play with Katelyn all day and then do what I want to do while she naps. So far it's been really nice. He still takes her once in a while in the evenings (after 9 - because Katelyn's sleep schedule still is late). Keep up the good work and good luck!
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