If you haven't read it, you should.

A few weeks ago this scripture was read in sunday school and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I think I should make it into a big poster and put it on the wall as a constant reminder. So, here goes.

 2 Nephi 4:15-35 (mostly)

15 And upon ^athese I ^bwrite the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul ^cdelighteth in the scriptures, and my heart ^dpondereth them, and writeth them for the ^elearning and the profit of my children.

 16 Behold, my ^asoul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my^bheart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great ^agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O ^bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart ^csorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily ^abeset me.

 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have ^atrusted.

 20 My God hath been my ^asupport; he hath led me through mine^bafflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

21 He hath filled me with his ^alove, even unto the ^bconsuming of my flesh.

 22 He hath confounded mine ^aenemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

 23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me^aknowledge by ^bvisions in the night-time.

 24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty ^aprayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

 26 O then . . . ^cwhy should my ^dheart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

27 And why should I ^ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to ^btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my ^cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am I^dangry because of mine enemy?

 28 Awake, my soul! No longer ^adroop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the ^benemy of my soul.

 29 Do not ^aanger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

 30 Rejoice, O my ^aheart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the ^brock of my salvation.

 31 O Lord, wilt thou ^aredeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of ^bsin?

32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my ^aheart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may^bwalk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

 33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy ^arighteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine ^benemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

 34 O Lord, I have ^atrusted in thee, and I will ^btrust in thee forever. I will not put my ^ctrust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his ^dtrust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

 35 Yea, I know that God will give ^aliberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ^bask ^cnot amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the ^drock of my ^erighteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

The picture above is actually a photo I took on a ferry boat headed to Seattle some 4 or 5 years ago. I love it because it looks like a painting. 

Yup, that was me.

This journey of "finding myself" is starting to become kind of fun. Looking back at things I've done that really say "that is me" are starting to come back into my mind. So here you go, a fun list of silly things that make me ME.

I was blasting David Archuleta in my car. 

In 2002 I walked down the freezing streets of Salt Lake City singing "That's Amore"

I used to do a pretty good impression of Snow White (so I've been told) can't do it anymore.
I've been told I actually have a good singing voice.

I really like talking like a "cheerleader"

In my senior year of high school I volunteered to read for Eliza Doolittle when we read Pygmalion. I rocked it.

I like to brag that my mom is a clown just to see how people will react

I love hot pink

I used to have over 100 stuffed animals (when I was a teenager)

I like to jump from project to project because I tend to get bored before I finish.

My box of "unfinished" or "abandoned" projects is very large

When I was 13 I landed on my face in gym class (while trying to show off for a cute boy) and I was laughing so hard no one knew if I was crying or not.

I can't run long distances, but I used to be able to run pretty quickly for short distances

I kind of wish I could hang upside down from the monkey bars when we go to the park

I love to dance

I have an odd sense of humor, I usually laugh when others aren't and don't laugh when they are.

I'm trying not to take life too seriously, because honestly it's just downright funny sometimes.

I always wanted to be a ballerina, but I am pretty clumsy and uncoordinated (though now I kind of want to try it)

I'm a terrible liar

Sometimes I get stuck in accents and can't get out of them (the worse was when I got stuck in my Larry the Cucumber voice)

I'll admit I've had Lady Gaga or Katy Perry songs stuck in my head

I used to play my boy band music on repeat pretty much all day and night

I'm a hopeless romantic

I really like it when the "child in me" comes out, but I don't think other people appreciate it (besides the kids)

When I "played" Barbie, I spent more time accessorizing than anything else

I've been having a lot of dreams (more like nightmares) lately where I am back in high school, or middle school. I guess that's my subconscious telling me I want to go back to simpler times?

I get excited when I see my "view" count and it makes me want to write more, so thank you to all my readers out there!! I hope you don't think I'm crazy. Then again, aren't we all a little crazy?

If you can't say anything nice. . .

I believe that if everyone followed the advice of Thumper's father the world would be a much quieter place, on the other hand, not addressing issues may lead to more hostility.

I've always tried to live by this advice, which is perhaps one of the reasons I have a difficult time making my case, or explaining my emotions.

These days it seems everyone is up in arms over something, ranging from "what not to name your child" to "if you should be allowed to have children." That't not to say that these things an unimportant, but I fear oft times people get too caught up in "who's right?" and forget the bigger picture.

I believe we are all connected. There are unknown similarities to all "mankind." In the past, present, and surely the future, our differences have and may always cloud our judgement. I think all of us are prejudice in one form or another, and it all stems down to not knowing what the similarities are and only seeing the differences.

It's amazing to see how easily someone can be offended by someone who looks, acts, or believes differently than they do. I guess we all have this complex that makes us believe "everyone should be like me." Even those who proclaim EQUALITY FOR ALL are still in this mindset. Anyone who doesn't believe (for whatever reason) that what they're saying is true is being judged by them.

I personally have always been a bit of a fence dweller. Rarely venturing to one side or the other. It has become increasingly difficult to be "complacent" about things these days. Everyone wants to know "where you stand" on every issue. For me, some issues don't directly affect me so I don't really think about them too much, but the ones that do affect me scare me. It's like, what if I am on the wrong side? Is there a wrong side?  I have a hard time with the latter. Is there a wrong side? My religion has always taught that there is in fact a wrong side, but sometimes it's hard to see it. Even when others are telling you it is completely obvious, I still have a hard time taking sides.

For instance, gay rights. I don't know. It doesn't directly affect me. I know some gay people, sure, but what they do is their business. How will it affect me? I don't know. Abortion? Never had one, never needed one. I personally don't think I could do it, but in some cases maybe it is for the best. If someone is strung out on drugs or in some other way incapable being a parent then perhaps getting an abortion is actually merciful not cruel. And so on.

I've always believed one of my most prominent "spiritual gifts" is empathy. In some ways it's a blessing, in other ways it's a curse. If someone feels pain, I feel it too. So when people are arguing, I can't take sides. I can see how both people make good points. I guess that's why I've been told I'm a very agreeable person.  I go out of my way to avoid contention when I can.

Going through this last year I've learned that I have to stop being so agreeable. I have to take a stand. I hate it. I don't want to do it, but I must. I must take a stand if I am ever going to find out who I am and what I . . .well, stand for. 

My new mantra

man·tra   [man-truh, mahn-, muhn-] Show IPA noun 1. Hinduism . a word or formula, as from the Veda, chanted or sung as an incantation or prayer. 2. an often repeated word, formula, or phrase, often a truism: If I hear the “less is more” mantra one more time, I'll scream. So I just decided, right here right now. This is will be my new mantra: I would rather be single than settle. And for your listening pleasure, I've attached a great song to go with my new mantra.
My "old" mantra is still completely applicable: I can do better. (ever seen Stepford Wives?)